Lyrics
Oh the last time I saw Paul
I was horrible and almost let him in
But I stopped and caught the wall
And my mouth got dry so all I did was take him for a spin
Yeah, we hopped inside my car
And I drove in circles ’round the freight train yard
And he turned the headlights off
Then he pulled the bottle out
And then he showed me what is love
I’ll be your morning bright goodnight shadow machine
I’ll be your record player, baby, if you know what I mean
I’ll be your real tough cookie with the whiskey breath
I’ll be a killer and a thriller and the cause of our death
In the blossom of the months
I was sure that I’d get driven off with thought
So I swallowed all of it
As I realized there was no one who could kiss away my shit
I’ll be your morning bright goodnight shadow machine
I’ll be your record player, baby, if you know what I mean
I’ll be your real tough cookie with the whiskey breath
I’ll be a killer and a thriller and the cause of our death
Oh Paul, I know you said that you’d take me any way I came or went
But I’ll push you from my brain
See, you’re gentle, baby
I couldn’t stay, I’d only bring you pain
I was your starry-eyed lover and the one that you saw
I was your hurricane rider and the woman you’d call
We were just two moonshiners on the cusp of a breath
And I’ve been burning for you baby since the minute I left
Existence
In the song “Paul” by Big Thief, the theme of existence is woven through the lyrics, reflecting on personal identity, love, and the emotional complexities of relationships. The song captures moments where the narrator grapples with their own sense of self, the passage of time, and their connection with another person.
Here are some ways the theme of existence is explored:
1. Emotional Fragmentation:
The narrator is torn between their desires and self-restraint, as shown in the opening lines:
- “Oh, the last time I saw Paul I was horrible and almost let him in.” These lines suggest an inner conflict, where the narrator’s existence is shaped by feelings of guilt and hesitation, reflecting a fractured sense of identity.
2. Role-Playing and Identity:
The recurring phrase “I’ll be” in the lyrics emphasizes the narrator’s shifting roles in the relationship:
- “I’ll be your morning bright goodnight shadow machine”
- “I’ll be a killer and a thriller and the cause of our death.” Here, existence is tied to the narrator’s ability to adapt to different identities, whether as a lover, a record player, or a destructive force. The narrator’s sense of self seems fluid, dependent on how they are perceived by Paul.
3. Existential Realization
The verse, “I was sure that I’d get driven off with thought / So I swallowed all of it / As I realized there was no one who could kiss away my shit,” highlights a deep moment of existential awareness. The narrator recognizes that no external force or person can truly fix or alleviate their internal struggles, underscoring a feeling of isolation in existence.
Ultimately, the song grapples with existential questions of identity, love, and self-worth. The narrator’s struggle with their sense of existence in relation to Paul, and the knowledge that their presence may bring pain, reflects a deep self-awareness and emotional vulnerability.
Complexities of Love
In Big Thief’s song “Paul,” the complexities of love are conveyed through themes of vulnerability, self-doubt, and emotional conflict. The lyrics explore the dynamics of romantic relationships, touching on how love can be both nurturing and destructive.
- Emotional Vulnerability in Love:
The line “I was horrible and almost let him in” reveals the narrator’s fear of intimacy, reflecting how love often involves emotional exposure and the risk of getting hurt. - Multiple Roles in Relationships:
With lines like “I’ll be your morning bright goodnight shadow machine” and “I’ll be a killer and a thriller and the cause of our death,” the narrator embodies the shifting roles in a relationship, highlighting the unpredictable nature of romantic connections and the potential for both joy and pain. - Unconditional Love vs. Self-Worth:
Paul’s acceptance—”you’d take me any way I came or went”—is contrasted with the narrator’s feelings of inadequacy, thinking they will “bring you pain.” This contrast underscores the tension between unconditional love and self-esteem issues, where one partner feels unworthy of the other’s affection.
Emotional complexity of love
The song delves into the emotional complexity of love, showing how relationships can be defined by both tenderness and conflict, acceptance and rejection, making “Paul” a profound reflection on the nuances of human connection.
In Big Thief’s song “Paul,” emotional vulnerability and love are central themes, conveyed through introspective lyrics that reflect on the complexities of relationships.
- Emotional Conflict and Vulnerability: The opening lines, “I was horrible and almost let him in,” depict the narrator’s struggle with emotional vulnerability. They nearly allow Paul to get close but pull back out of fear, which represents the tension between the desire for love and the fear of being hurt.
- Self-Awareness and Love’s Destructive Potential: The lyrics “I’ll be your real tough cookie with the whiskey breath / I’ll be a killer and a thriller and the cause of our death” suggest that love can be both intense and destructive. The narrator is aware of their flaws, indicating how emotional vulnerability can bring out destructive tendencies in relationships.
- Unconditional Love and Self-Doubt: Paul’s unconditional acceptance—”you said that you’d take me any way I came or went”—is contrasted with the narrator’s self-doubt, believing they would only “bring you pain.” This highlights the internal struggle of feeling undeserving of love, a common theme in emotionally vulnerable relationships.
Frequently Asked Question
What kind of music is Big Thief?
Big Thief is an American indie rock band with folk influences, known for their introspective lyrics and emotional depth. Based in Brooklyn, their music combines delicate instrumentation with raw, intimate themes.
Who writes for Big Thief?
Adrianne Lenker is the lead vocalist and principal songwriter for Big Thief, known for her emotionally rich and introspective lyrics. She also has a successful career as a solo artist.
Who plays the flute in Big Thief?
Richard Hardy, a prolific session musician, plays the flute on some of Big Thief’s tracks. The band discovered him while he was playing in a lookout tower near their studio and invited him to contribute.
What is the inspiration behind the song “Paul” by Big Thief?
“Paul” is inspired by themes of emotional complexity and introspection, reflecting personal experiences and vulnerabilities explored by Adrianne Lenker. The song delves into deep feelings and relational dynamics.
How does the song “Paul” reflect Big Thief’s musical style?
“Paul” features a blend of indie rock and folk influences, with introspective lyrics and raw emotional delivery. Its instrumentation balances delicate and intense elements, showcasing the band’s diverse sound.
What role does Adrianne Lenker play in the songwriting for “Paul”?
Adrianne Lenker, as the principal songwriter, crafted the lyrics and emotional tone of “Paul,” demonstrating her talent for expressing complex feelings through evocative language.
Are there any notable collaborations on the track “Paul”?
Richard Hardy contributes flute to “Paul,” adding a unique texture that enhances the song’s emotional depth and musical richness.
How does “Paul” fit into the larger context of Big Thief’s discography?
“Paul” is featured on Big Thief’s debut album Masterpiece, representing their early exploration of emotional themes and setting the foundation for their evolving sound and lyrical focus.
Final Thoughts
In conclusion, “Paul” by Big Thief offers a deep exploration of emotional vulnerability and the complexities of romantic relationships. Featuring Adrianne Lenker’s evocative songwriting and a blend of indie rock and folk influences, the track delves into themes of personal identity, love, and introspection. Richard Hardy’s flute adds a distinctive layer, enhancing the song’s emotional richness. As a key track on Big Thief’s debut album Masterpiece, “Paul” reflects the band’s early focus on emotional depth and sets the foundation for their evolving sound and thematic exploration.
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